the air i breathe

Friday, January 11, 2013

These past few days I can't help but think about what is coming soon on our horizon: doctors appointments, graduations, packing, moving, house hunting, job hunting, more school for me, settling into a new job for Marshall....
Finding new doctors, finding new grocery stores, finding a new home, updating our furniture, being reunited with Scruffy, taking 18 hours in only 2 months later this Spring, parents visiting, birthdays upcoming, getting used to life in sunny southern California...
There is SO much going on already in 2013 {though I will only touch on a couple}.
First of all, today is my daddy's birthday! Really missing my parents right now.
Secondly... As pointed out, In only a week and a half I will have two days full of doctor appointments. There is an MRI and a consultation with my cardio for the last time, then the next day I'm going to see my regular doc {both for the last time before I find new ones in San Diego}. Very very stressful. As you can see by reading about my recent dream {at the end of this post & on FB} it is always on my mind. I've had MRI's two times before: Once in 8th grade (2005), once during Spring Break (2011) of my freshman year at A&M. They just scare me --- Understandable, knowing that the first time I had one done, I also had to have open-heart surgery scheduled during Spring Break of my 8th grade year. And knowing that you are in a tiny, confined space, doing breathing exercises as told, sitting as still as possible for a number of hours... It's really crazy...
Besides, the doctor doesn't really scare me, it's more a matter of how Marshall will handle this. This is why it is so important for him to be at my MRI {which thankfully, because of MLK Jr. Day, he has the day off and will be there}. {Oh, and the doc is a 4 hour drive away..Best cardios in the state of North Carolina!} I know I've done this before, and also knowing that there is a high chance of being able to undergo the Melody valve procedure when the time does come -- in and out in one day without the weeks of rest necessary, waiting for the body to fully heal -- Makes it seem as less of a burden.
And I surely know that I won't have to do any of that for a couple more years, right now it's just being monitored. It's just the mental connection that the first time I had this done, surgery was the next step. I felt this way in 2011 as well when I went in. I realize this is more to update the records for my next cardio more than anything else, but I can't help but relate it to that.
I am tired of going to see new doctors basically every other month because of moving and referrals {In 2012 alone I saw 7 different doctors - specialist referrals and primary care both}. I am excited to finally be able to settle somewhere, only have one regular doc and one cardio, and not have to worry about getting three referrals, moving, and having to get another few. Although the turnaround {after getting all my information sorted out} was fairly quick, it's just a mess. A serious, stressful mess.
Anyway, I just wanted to point out that this specific song --- This Is the Air I Breathe by Michael W. Smith --- really touches me on these notes, talked about above. I have come to realize that no matter the hurdle I have before me, whether it is medical-related, moving-related, family-related, etc. I can endure and overcome, if I only hold steadfast to my faith. This beautiful, wondrous song is exactly what I need to step into these appointments and seasons of our life coming up with a cool head, driven by faith.
The song is so simple, yet so deep. It's amazing how such lyrics can evoke so much emotion:
And I, I'm desperate for You
And I, I'm I'm lost without You
{I can't help but have this song on repeat while I'm home, doing chores all day!!}

Written 1/9/13:

Today I am reminded of a dream I had recently, when I was extremely nervous to be going to a cardiology appointment the next day, completely by myself for the first time. In the dream, I went to Heaven during an emergency open-heart surgery and was blessed to have a long walk with Jesus, who calmed me, and led me to someone He knew I needed to talk to: our dear friend, Taylor Gillespie. I truly felt like I was there with you, sharing all of our experiences, while you were sharing with me about your experiences in Heaven and those of your buddies, all over the world, which you have been watching over. There were some things you told me about that I shared with your friends and family, as asked, and there are some things that I saw that, of course, cannot be shared with others until their day comes. Being able to talk with you in my dream and experience took my mind off of all the pain of the surgery, and gave me a sense of relief, for lack of a better word.

Taylor, although I only met you a few times, you have clearly made a great impact on my life, and those of everyone around you. I will never forget how I felt 2 years ago today, hearing the fateful news from Marshall, just home from vacation with family. I am looking forward to the day we will be free of the pain and memories and will all be reunited in Heaven!
Previous posts related to {my} health:
10.25.12: My Testimony
12.20.12: Forever Grateful


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